ONDIVORCE GENERAL AND CONTACT MESSAGEBOARD
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Subject: Poll
Posted By harry888 on 25-11-2009
I read the other day in the Telegraph online that a poll suggests up to 1/3rd of all children loose contact with one parent [usually the father ]. They made it into a debate. The main reasons given were the legal system, greedy lawyers and vindictive ex wives deliberately trying to stop a father from seeing his children after the divorce. Is this area still a big problem ?
Follow up comments
Added By obiwan_kenobi_again on 25-11-2009
lol... yes....
Added By obiwan_kenobi_again on 25-11-2009
petrol... fire... WHOOOOF!!!!
Added By harry888 on 25-11-2009
Sorry - I really do NOT understand this. Are saying yes there is a problem ?
I read about 90% of visitation issues are sorted out between parties without going to the Courts.
Then something like 80% of cases get sorted out in Courts. So work the maths there are non resolved matters in 2% of cases.
Why do you say : petrol - fire - whoooof ?
Please - i really appreciate a reply as i dont understand. Thanks
Added By sometimesitdoesn'twork on 25-11-2009
Trouble is that apart from court data on the outcome of court cases the information on how many children loose contact with a parent is based on surveys, polls and estimates from various sources and are not always terribly reliable. I don't think it is about numbers anyway and children loose contact for a parent for many reasons, not just the legal system, greedy lawyers and vindictive ex-wives. The question is how do we ensure the best possible chance of children maintaining a relationship with both parents and protect them from the emotional harm caused by warring parents?
One suggestion is separation classes held within the court system or in the wider community. These classes can reach a large number of parents in the same way , and encourage them to consider their children’s position, and what they need and want. Such classes also help warring parents understand where each other is coming from, and give them strategies for reducing or avoiding conflict.
I didn't read The Telegraph but the idea being mooted last week in other papers was for compulsory attendance at "conflict clinics" as a pre-requisite to any subsequent litigation. See the policy briefing paper;
http://www.mishcon.com/news/firm_news/government_urged_to_introduce_compulsory_therapy_following_parental_separation_11_2009
In my experience when people continue to blame everyone else but themselves they are not taking responsibility for their choices and the consequences. The problem with fathers' rights is it encourages this. A recent report by the Centre for Social Justice, "Every Family Matters" highlighted Australian academic research which found that children living in the most conflicted situations were often those whose parents hung on to notions of rights, fairness and equality and did not hold the children's interests as paramount.
Added By obiwan_kenobi_again on 26-11-2009
harry- yes... there is a problem... thankfully -not as big as some would have you believe...
STIDW... I am not sure how I could blame myself for years of violence against me - then blame myself for DarthX stopping ALL contact... how is that MY fault?
Added By Owl1 on 26-11-2009
Effective problem solving often means stepping aside from the need to blame either yourself or others.
Owning your own choices and taking personal responsibility for dealing with the consequences is a good start.
Added By obiwan_kenobi_again on 26-11-2009
effective problem solving - is IDENTIFYING the PROBLEM- then creating a plan to deal with it. I has nothing to do with blame. Seeing those responsible for your situation isn't blaming them. It's just facing the truth.
For me, it was seeing that sooner or later she would have killed me. I left.
EX then stops contact with the boys- so, i chose to take her to court, so my sons could have a father again- this also had the effect of creating a massive debt and years of financial hardship for us both.
I deal with the consequences EVERY day.
Thing is - owl... I am still struggling to see what other choices I had that were viable...
stay? - probably end up dead...
not pursue court? just give up on the boys?
SITDW- your last comment upset me a bit. The only rights I have ever been focused on is the boys right to see me.
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