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Subject: Apology for previous post: please ignore it.
Posted By Zoe on 02-12-2009
I'm sorry for my last post. I didn't mean to offend and obviously did not research the site well enough before asking for help with my project.
Unfortunately there does not seem to be a way to delete the post, so please just ignore it until a site moderator finds and removes it.
Many thanks and sincere apologies.
Follow up comments
Added By Suvla1915 on 02-12-2009
Don't feel bad Zoe, it's not your fault, but I can see that if you caught someone at a bad moment who was already upset they might respond in an uncharacteristic way. And to be fair, divorce parties have been in the news recently.
When I was at Uni I would probably have found the idea amusing and potentially liberating in a Gloria Gaynor "I will survive" kind of way.
The reality of course is very different, as you are aware from your own parents' experience. Anyway, I took a look at the pink rose website, but I couldn't spot the divorce cake and can't really imagine what designs would be appropriate. Their philosophy is "cakes make everything better" but I'm not sure I agree! And of course the trouble with parties is that they usually involve alcohol which is well known to make divorcing people cry - so I would imagine a lot of these divorce parties end in tears. I've never known anyone to have one of these parties although I know some one who burnt her wedding dress....
Added By Stuart on 02-12-2009
Zoe, I apologise for my words. I was unreasonably harsh.
In mitigation I simply get fed up with people researching this that and the other, usually from a magazine or something. I regard much of it as rather sick, a bit like rubber necking at a pile up on the M25.
This site is here for people who need help, occasionally we fall out with each other but generally we get on very well and provide support.
Personally I am very grateful for such a site and help from total strangers. Who knows where I would be today without such help from such kind people.
Therefore, I am quite protective towards others who might be where I was once.
I wish you luck in your research but perhaps you might take care with the way you approach others in the future.
Added By Teadrinker on 02-12-2009
Zoe, I wasn't offended by what you wrote. Though I find the title of your previous post a bit odd - "Help inspire women to celebrate newfound freedom". Divorce to me seems to involve nothing inspiring, nothing to celebrate and nothing about freedom. I wonder why you focus on women?
I find it impossible to understand why anyone would throw a divorce party or see it as something to celebrate. Except perhaps where they have gone straight from one partner to another and see it as freedom to remarry, which is quite likely to mean they'll be having quite a few opportunities for divorce parties and have a lot of growing up to do!
I do find it very weird that for some people divorce is something to celebrate. It's a bit like people seeing death as something to celebrate. Strange.
Added By Stuart on 02-12-2009
Exactly my thoughts TD.
Added By Owl1 on 03-12-2009
Zoe. I found when I finally did get divorced about 3 and a half years down the line from when I separated I did want to celebrate and I did have that celebration for many of the reasons you set out in your original post.
That came after a lot of pain but I worked my way through that pain and now see the final outcome as something to celebrate. I love the new beginnings its offered and how my life is now. Not all people feel like that even when they have come to the "end" ( if it ever ends)
But there was a time when I was in deep despair. At my celebration I felt joy, a sense of liberation and just gratitude that I had survived the prevous 3 and half years as there was a time that I did not think I could survive.
Added By LazyLizzie on 03-12-2009
Zoe
Whilst I am sure many on here share Stuart's views about divorce parties there are inevitably going to be some that don't. As you quite rightly say, these parties DO happen (although they are often named housewarmings to avoid rows).
Stuart's resonse has pretty much guaranteed nobody will respond with their party plans. Perhaps you coud offer an e mail address for them to use - maybe the negative responses could also be turned round and put to good use?
Added By obiwan_kenobi_again on 03-12-2009
as i only had the clothes on my back, living in a caravan, not seeing my sons and recovering from 8-years of abuse... i didnt feel like partying...
Added By Simes 2p on 03-12-2009
Zoe, being a student myself, good on you for making the effort to seek material, and despite perhaps picking the wrong place this time, don't let the miserable gits on here get you down.
When I did my dissertation, I did exactly the same as you and approached a forum for assistance. I must admit to not understanding anything they told me, but I did manage to pass.
Divorce affects people in different ways, and some have a particularly difficult time with it. I am sure you will find some people, probably younger than most of us tend to be, that will help you elsewhere.
Keep on going.
Added By Nancy on 04-12-2009
Zoe, I celebrated my divorce, although it was over 6 years ago now. The feelings of relief that I had finally become unshackled to a person that had given me so much pain, grief and heartache was immense and definitely worth a celebration. Unfortunately, because it was quite a while ago now I'm not much use to your research but would have happily helped you at the time.
I do hope the abuse and agressiveness you have received will not put you off your research too much.
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