ONDIVORCE GENERAL AND CONTACT MESSAGEBOARD
[ADD YOUR COMMENTS] [LIST ALL SUBJECTS]
Subject: ex in family home
Posted By margo wood on 22-12-2009
Any advice please, my ex and I have been separated for 15 months now - I left with the children after years of emotional abuse from him and hidden debts(his). He is still living in the 4 bed familt house and is insisting that the house belongs to him (its in joint names) and is refusing to consider putting it up for sale to divide the equity. I have started divorce procedings but don't know how to move on from here. . What levers can I use to get him out? Any thoughts gratefully recieved. I just want to be able to move on and get on with my life. So far we have managed to negociate access with the children satisfactorily and I am trying not to disrupt that as they are the most important in all this. He can't afford to buy me out of the house.
Follow up comments
Added By sometimesitdoesn'twork on 22-12-2009
It sounds as though you need to start court proceedings to focus the mind and move matters forward. If you have petitioned for divorce you can apply to court for ancillary relief to resolve the finances. The application, Form A is available to download along with a guide about financial orders from HM Court Services website. Most cases settle by agreement before the final hearing.
Added By margo wood on 23-12-2009
Thanks, I've been trying to tread softly in an attempt to maintain civil relations regarding the children but it clearly isn't helping my case. I was hoping not to have to go through the court but it makes sense what you say about focusing the mind.
Added By EnglishRose on 23-12-2009
If he doesn't want you home you could move back in with 3 men or whatever or with the chidlren and have noisy teenage parties every night. One reason our divorce took 7 months even to finalise all the money and court orders as we were both advised not to leave the house therefore we had to hurry everything up just to be rid of each other. Once you move out all incentive goes. You need to start the divorce proceedings and seek to reach agreement with him over money with strict deadlines and say if he doesn't make you a suitable offer such as that the house is put up for sale now then you will do it in court. How old are the children and which of you or your husband earns the most?
Added By margo wood on 24-12-2009
I don't think I could stand to live in the same house again - spent 2 years there living separately which put a strain on all of us including the kids, who are much happier and more settled since we moved out. They are only 6 and 9 yrs, so a while till teenage parties yet! I agree that deadlines are probably the way to go, the divorce petition will be issued in early Jan. Part of the problem is that he agrees to something thing then renages on it later, thereby stalling for time. I can see this going on a long while. He's nearing retirement and I'm working part time at the moment as I'm the main carer.
Added By EnglishRose on 24-12-2009
If he is going to be retired soon he can take on much more caring and you can work full time I suppose which will help a lot with family finances but even so it sounds like just putting more pressure on him pushign the legal process on and giving him lots of deadlines will be the best way. If the market is bad and there are 3 emtpy bed rooms could you rent out 3 of the rooms and split the rent - suggest to him you'll be showing round the 3 couples who will be the 6 new lodgers in a few weeks unless the house is on the market. It is your house and his. You can rent out rooms in it if you wish,. Or tell him you will be advertising it for sale and get a few estate agents round even if he then refuses to co-operate. Presumably you have keys.
Added By margo wood on 26-12-2009
Thanks, I like that one about renting out rooms - that would certainly stir him up! I've had the house valued already and he agreed to put the house on the market at start of FEb but has gone back on that now, I think I'll just go ahead with that date anyway, I suspect that having an offer on the table will stir his interest, it seems that his main drive is his own financial security and noone elses. Theres never a good time for all this, but I could do without it being xmas too, and just come second in a job interview! Just got the blues for a bit, I guess, I keep telling myself there are people worse off than me.
Added By Stuart on 30-12-2009
Er, dont talk daft.
Renting out rooms is never going to happen. I suggest that to show people around the FMH without the ex's agreement is simply going to end up in tears, police would be called and I would imagine that the ex who is the occupier could succesfully obtain an occupation order and perhaps a non molestation order on the back of it all as he could demonstrate harassment by Margo.
Remember, Margo has moved out so the ex is now the occupier. Sure, she COULD move back in but to suggest that she could somehow take other people (other than the children) to live there is pretty ridiculous.
Margo, the only option for you is to apply for ancilliary relief where the court will dictate what happens insofar as the house sale etc.
Unfortunately until this happens you are not in a position to force your ex to do anything at all insofar as moving out etc and to do anything like ER has suggested would simply backfire on you.
Added By Stuart on 30-12-2009
Meant to mention....
ER is right when she points out that the house is as much yours as it is his BUT this means that neither of you can market the property without the agreement of the other.
Even if you suddenly found a buyer, you will need youe ex's agreement to sell as well as his signature.....
Please ER, dont advise Margo to forge his signature.....lol...
| 
