ONDIVORCE GENERAL AND CONTACT MESSAGEBOARD
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Subject: Denied child access
Posted By SMP999 on 29-12-2009
Left the wife at the Weekend following a very physical bust up where SHE assaulted me by biting, punching and kicking following a heavy drinking session. I DID NOT instigate the assault NOR did I hit her, I just held her down to prevent any further aggression. She was screaming hysterically, telling my daughter (10) to get the neighbour..Distrought, the poor girl did as mummy said! I rang the Police (but no charges brought).
Now, cos I'm not jumping to her beckonings, she has, as expected, turned the table and apparently she says it was me who was hammered and I assaulted her (but although I had been drinking, I was reasonably sober). I took the kids home by 11pm, she eventually arrived home at 0200am. Having left the MH, we later arranged for me to pick the kids up on the morning of 29/12 for 2 nights, returning 31/12. I arrived as arranged at 10am on the morning, only to be greeted with no kids and her saying that her solicitor had advised her under Domestic Violence law not to let me have any access to the kids unless through agreement and that until agreement was made, I would not see my children but, she is also using them to dictate to me. Where do I stand in this situation, my head is now well stuck up an un-respectable orrifice and I'm sure most of you have experienced that horrible gut wrenching and upsetting feeling of loss.... any advice
Follow up comments
Added By sometimesitdoesn'twork on 30-12-2009
I'm afraid you will not like the news. Your options are to negotiate an agreement which isn't legally binding through solicitors or make a court application. In either case you are going to need patience and perseverance. When there are allegations of DV mediation is usually deemed inappropriate.
If you work full time and your wife doesn't work or works only part time to fit around child care commitments she is likely to be deemed the parent with the majority of care and it can take approximately 6 weeks before a court hearing for contact/shared residence. At the first hearing you then meet a CAFCASS officer to see if any agreement can be reached. When no agreement can be reached you go before a judge who decides what information he/she requires to assist in making a decision and sets a timetable. In the meantime you may find you need to go to a contact centre for contact.
On the other hand, if you both worked full time and shared child care equally including school runs, visits to the doctor or dentist etc you would have grounds to ask for an emergency hearing on the basis that the status quo has been unilaterally disrupted and should be changed back before a new status quo is established.
Added By Stuart on 30-12-2009
yep, system stinks.....
Very much one sided in favour of mum who seems to be allowed to use the children as a very potent weapon.
Its child abuse IMO.
Added By why? on 30-12-2009
i unerstand what stuart means. i dont agree that its about mums necessarily however, just that it is very much about the 'baddy' getting away with whatever they want until proved differently, and even then it often feels like no one is listening. i understand why the sysytem is the way it is.dv has to be taken seriously despite innocent until proved guilty after all nobody wants a child or spouse to go through violence or abuse in order to prove it but in other areas it does make you feel as though the law is on their side and it is to a degree and unfortunately its the 'goody' who has the hard work and effort of having to prove otherwise.
Added By Stuart on 31-12-2009
Hi Why?....
I refer to mums quite simply because 98% of all children from failed relationships automatically live with the mother so it stands to reason that most cases such as SMP is on the receiving end of are going to involve mum holding the arsenal...
Added By obiwan_kenobi_again on 31-12-2009
stuart -you bad man- we dont say mummy here... its RP...
of course- since 98% of RPs are mummies... its seems like a semantic argument to me...
anyway...
it dont make a lot of odds when you are dealing with someone that denies contact... in the USA if you do you go to prison... love it...
Added By evr on 31-12-2009
Well, to be strictly accurate its 90%, and of course not all those are by demand of the resident parent. None of which helps SMP of course, but hopefully STIDW's advice will.
Added By obiwan_kenobi on 01-01-2010
OPPS... did I say 98? typo...
Of course- the legal system we have - has no real way to deal with nrps that DONT keep up the contact...
that is just as damaging... and has no legal re-course at all...
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