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Subject: Christmas Day
Posted By Jools123 on 03-01-2010
Hi all,
Having read a few posts about NRP not being around for Christmas I thought I should share our scandalous situation with you. Now, as most are aware my daughter is in South Africa for an extended break but as most of us on here do, I have managed to get extended contact at considerable cost but nevertheless it has been the least I could do, and meant Christmas was bearable and its now only a week on Friday until I see her again :-) - not much left of my candle either, its been burning everyday since she left.
Anyway, I live with my partner and her son in our family home. The relationship between her son and his father is strained and now father doesn't seem to bother unless its on his terms. He saw him twice in 2009, co-incidentally so son could get Christmas and birthday present at sons request.
Anyway, on Christmas day he had not sent his son a text, card, phone call - absolutely nothing. My partner was livid and text him to understand why he hadn't made any gesture. Text response - 'you've made you bed, lie in it'. What he fails to see is that whatever she is meant to have done, she isnt being punished here, its just his son. I cannot believe somebody would be so spiteful to not send a card, text or phone call on Christmas when all avenues were open to him. It beggers belief.
In fact we then received a spiteful text from his now wife saying that she did not want him (father) to be upset on Christmas day and that god works in mysterious ways and that's why we lost our twins this year because my partner is an unfit mum oh and that there are doubts as to whether his son is actually his son - apparently she's unfit because she never ironed his clothes the last time he went there. Unbelievable - 13 years and now he's questioning his parentage - get a DNA test and save yourself money if you believe it. Or surely she can see he is spinning her a line to make him look good. But to say our twins deserved to die was gastly.
It wasn't exactly what we wanted on Christmas day but moreover how can anyone do that to their child. My partner has deleted his number and now wants nothing more to do with him in regard to updating him about his son. I have done everything in my powers not to respond and have managed it thus far.
How can people do this to their children?
Follow up comments
Added By EnglishRose on 03-01-2010
There are many many more men in the UK who refuse to see children or only very rarely than those where the mother thwarts contact but it never seems to get much press. My older children never hear from their father but he sees the younger two. No Christmas present for six years since the divorce. His lose. Weird man. He woudl probably say similar things - you made your bed, lie in it and of course he doesn't pay either so your partner is very very lucky because she actually gets money unlike many of us who work full time, have our children 365 days a year which doesn't exactyl make finding another man very easy and get paid nothing and had to pay out to our spouse on the divorce because we earn more than him. Never mind. Long term these men lose out.
Might be worth your getting it in writing that she is offering a DNA test and in fact the son might want one so he knows for sure. £300? I think it's something like that.
I certainly h ave never once bothered to berate him about lack of contact. I think you just need to think about how to rise above it and how to ensure the 13 year old understands he is loved at what for many chidlren can be the worst years of their lives from 13 - 15. Mine have zero expectations of their father so aren't disappointed.
Sorry to hear about your twins. Mine were born at 40 weeks to the day and I knew how lucky I was. Twins births are so so risky. Multiple births are never a good thing.
Added By obiwan_kenobi_again on 04-01-2010
jools- he is trash... you are better off without him...
Added By why? on 04-01-2010
hello.
how utterly vile. he and his np sound terribly ugly people. regarding the dna test. unless your wife has reason to believe he may not be the father there is absolutely no way on earth she should give that remark any credence. i hope nobody has mentioned this paternity issue to the boy. please dont and lets hope the father doesn't. my h once mentioned to me very early on in our relationship when he was going through a divorce that he thought there was a chance his youngest son was not his. he mentioned it once and has never mentioned it again in 11 years! i now realise that he may well have been doing to his ex what your wifes ex is trying to do to her. he has a proble. he is not right in the head. you are correct that the only person he hurt over christmas was his son. ive made similar remarks to my h over our chidren because when you get down to stuff that really matters, he doesn't really love his son at all. you and your wife especially, for her own sanity and mental health needs to detach from this man. he sounds damaging.
Added By Jools123 on 05-01-2010
Thanks for the posts.
We have not told his son of this comment as that would be awful. There is no doubt to him being the father (unfortunately). If there was anyone to distrust it was him. We suspect he is just making himself out to be the victim yet again and will be telling friends that his ex stops him seeing his child and that his ex is a slag and it is probably his son anyway.
He wont say how his ex stayed in the midlands from the child being 3 yrs to 11yrs simply to ensure there was a bond. He wont tell them that when he changed relationships two years ago he said he couldnt see his son because he couldn't afford the petrol (200 miles total for 2 journeys there and back) and then when and bought a new car with bigger engine a few weeks later. He wont say that when he did have his son Fri to Sun that he went to the pub Friday evening with his friends and left son with girlfriend, gym sat afternoon and tennis Sunday morning and this was when he saw him every third weekend.
You're right, he is filth. I just hope is son can make up his own mind - we now stay out of it. If son wants to see his dad then its up to him to text (he's nearly 14 now) and its up to his dad to make the journey (which he wont do) as we wont meant half way anymore, given his and her comments about our lost babies and more to the point they would have been his sons half sisters.
I wanted to retaliate against these hurtful things but what good would it do - it doesnt help0 us heal and it certainly wouldn't help his son. So thats it - line drawn.
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