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Subject: Holidays...
Posted By keephappy1 on 08-01-2010
Hello all....
Hope for some advise and answers...
My ex H has hinted that he would like to take our 2 children, boy 4, girl 7 to the states for 2/3 weeks this year.
Thats where is g/f is from and where her family live.
And just wondered where I stood if any where.
I dont want them to go but I wouldnt kick up a fuss if they wanted to go, he may be a totally arse to me but hes a great dad to the kids.
Thanks
Follow up comments
Added By evr on 08-01-2010
I would let them go and have a good time. It will be a fantastic experience for them.
Added By evr on 08-01-2010
Ooh, and plan something for yourself during that time!
Added By Kat007 on 08-01-2010
Here's my thoughts if he was just saying he wanted the kids for 3 weeks without seeing you and kept them at his house I would say No way.
As this is for a holiday of a lifetime for the kids just let them go and ask for all the usual details flights,hotel and return arrangements etc
They will have a ball.
And evr is right plan something for yourself in the sunshine.
Added By LazyLizzie on 08-01-2010
The fact that his g/f is willing to combine a trip to her family with taking the two children is good I would have thought.
There will come a time (if it hasn't already) when you will be glad to have somewhere that the children can go, where they are safe and loved, so that you can have some "me time".
You will miss them. But make use of the time to do things that you want to do. A solo holiday, a quick detox, decorating whatever makes you feel good.
In your shoes I would hint back that you would like to be able to maintain some contact with them whilst away so mobiles should be sorted. Maybe not for you to talk to them - but to get feedback from dad that all is ok - which it will be Also, if it was me, I would suggest what the children might bring back as a little gift for you - perfume from the duty free maybe?
Check tha there is medical insurance in place for them and that dad has a list of health issues, allergies and injections etc just in case.
Added By Stuart on 08-01-2010
keephappy1, well done for not adopting the knee jerk reaction of stopping the trip for your children.
Yes you will miss them but its only for a couple of weeks and they will miss you too but will thankyou for allowing such a great holiday...
Advice given so far is all sound. Make sure you have some contact with them. I was in the states with my lad for a few weeks in 2008 and he stayed in touch with his mum via mobile and MSN...
Oh, and book something for you too. Go on...recharge your batteries...
Added By EnglishRose on 08-01-2010
I wish my ex had taken the children on holiday once never mind on a trip like that. You are so lucky. Has your ex had a continuous operiod of not seeing them for 2 weeks? if so surely this is just fair the other way around. Neither parent owns the children.
Added By keephappy1 on 10-01-2010
Thank you all.
The only thing that worries me if that ever since my ex left the longest he had the kids, is 2 nights, and he doesnts know his like he thinks he does, but a great time to learn.
Englishrose, my ex went to the states at christmas for 3 weeks and spoke to the kids nearly every other day. Just hope he will let me do the same if he takes them away....
Added By LazyLizzie on 13-01-2010
Keephappy, there is a bit of a difference between you letting your ex talk to the kids when he is away and they are content in a familiar environment,, and you talking to them when they are overseas and everything is strange. New environment, new faces and funny accents that they may not understand.
They are more likely to do the "we miss you can we come home" whilst in the states than when at home with you to say "Daddy we miss you can we join you".
It may be in the kids best interest for you to allow their dad to choose if and when you speak to them to avoid unecessary upset. It might be wise to consider talking to your ex about this in advance and asking that you have a daily text update from him and that he calls you to let the kids talk if its appropriate. The more understanding you show him of his situation the more co-operation you are likely to get from him I would have thought.
Added By keephappy1 on 19-01-2010
LazyLizzie,
If my ex had his way I wont be able to talk to my kids when there away if they go, it turns out now he might not be talking them he told out 6yr daughter, 2its alot of money,and dad needs it for other things"...
So just seeing what happens.
Also he doesnt do understanding or co-operation, shame as there his kids aswell.
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