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Subject: how do I slowwwwwwwwwww down a divorce?
Posted By ihatecyclists on 14-01-2010
Hello everyone
I split up in 2008 and now ex h has contacted me for a divorce based on 2 yr separation by mutual concent, and whether I had any reasons why not? well I gave him a few!! (background, I have been left in very serious debt due to bailing out his credit cards, loans and bank overdafts, once bailed out I was forced to leave within weeks, and he carried on life as if I never exsisted, when comfronted about his actions and any repayments for me he attacked my father with a chair )
He has now employed a sol and threatened, if I dont divorce him by mutual concent he will go for adultry or unreasonable behavior! he is in a relationship within weeks of me having to leave, and I have been nothing but a loyal wife.
I am upto my eyes in (his) debt, have moved back into parents home, and am trying my best to pay of all the debt assoc.with him but in my name, while he once again runs around having holidays buying new expensive toys.
I would like to wait for 5 years as by that time I should have paid off enough debt to get on with my life, my only way to get back at him seems to be to withhold a divorce. If I cant get on with my life why should he?
I saw a sol and they just said its obvious the marriage has broken down so just cut and run, but thats not the point.
How can I fight back or slow down things as its the only thing I can do. I've been told appeal to his better side and ask for money toward the debt repayment, but having already assulted my father when approached on my behalf I dont think thats going to happen.
any ideas???? I am not in a position to engage in a long legal dispute and he knows that
Follow up comments
Added By sometimesitdoesn'twork on 14-01-2010
Get rid and move on. Nothing will come out of slowing the divorce down other than perhaps incurring legal expenses. There is a cliche that lawyers like clients who stick to principles because they fight to the bitter end no matter what the cost.
Added By obiwan_kenobi_again on 14-01-2010
i hate car drivers...
that aside...
slowing down the divorce wont make a great deal of diff? you need to sort a financial settlement out asap... thats the job of a court- debt and assets are divided depending on children etc...
i would say its more in your interest to push on with it!
Added By why? on 15-01-2010
i dont quite understand how or why his debts are now yours? certainly you need to get finances sorted. if you can prove they were his debts at some point and when and how and why you took on debts then he will need to account for at least half these debts id have thought?
i agree that you will only be able to move on when you have sortedthis out so dragging it out is only going to prolong this.
Added By Teadrinker on 16-01-2010
The only thing I think you can do is go ahead with the divorce but be fairly slow at responding each time you need to send or sign a document, so you'll slow it down a bit.
Added By ihatecyclists on 16-01-2010
thanks for all your comments.
The reason his debts have become my depts is because we agreed to consolidate his loans card arrears and bank overdraft into one loan paid from my account in my name..... funny within days he removed my car keys as a punishment so i could reflact on the life style he gave me. He went to America on joint account debit card, and when he came back it was all over. He gets off scott free and I am responsible for the consolidation loan.
Then I was replaced within weeks off the internet......
I just want to drag it out for as long as possible, by slowing down responses etc, and any thoughts along those lines would be great.
He wants shot of me so he can carry on with new lady, for me it will make no difference at all stay mrs for as long as poss I am happy he wants something and I dont want to give it!!
I cant seem to find out but can a repondant in a divorce file for ancilliary relief or is it just the petitioner?
Has anyone experience of the period of reflection and concideration, once proceedings started
cheers in anticipation
Added By obiwan_kenobi_again on 16-01-2010
it is written by my ancestors:
'man (or woman) that starts of a journey to revenge, first digs two graves...'
just divorce him - dont loose yourself in hate...
Added By sometimesitdoesn'twork on 16-01-2010
Emotion just hurts the wallet. The bottom line is if you do not agree to divorce after two years separation there has been plenty of time for reflection and consideration and your husband will just cite unreasonable behaviour. With two years separation you can negotiate not to pay costs, but with adultery or unreasonable behaviour it is usual for the unsuccessful party to pay both parties' costs.
With unreasonable behaviour you either agree to divorce or you contest the petition which will cost £12k or more. It is unlikely you will 'win' - as one judge recently put it, the fact you are in court is evidence the marriage is over. If you are unsuccessful you will be ordered to pay the other sides costs so it could cost a total of £24k and you will be left feeling even more resentful and your husband feeling vindicated he left a bitter bunny boiler wife. Last of all a respondent can apply for ancillary relief but as time passes the arguement they 'need' financial provision diminishes.
Added By obiwan_kenobi_again on 19-01-2010
STIDW- spot on..
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