ONDIVORCE GENERAL AND CONTACT MESSAGEBOARD
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Subject: Advice please....
Posted By Peedoff on 22-01-2010
Hi...new on here, and never thought I'd be here...but here I am !! The t0ssw@nk that is my husband went back home for a month...came back in October to tell me (the day after his return) that he didn't love me anymore and needed time apart..we have been together 15years...this came as a massive shock as he'd never mentioned anything before! He moved out the following week and I didn't see him again until last week. He asked to meet me to 'talk'...all he wanted to talk about was he would stop contributing to our home from the end of March, and he was seeing someone else! Talk about bombshells or what! He won't even contemplate talking about trying again. I'm useless at talking so wrote him a very long email with my thoughts...no reply...another mail...he replied this week..it was very nasty, defensive and all about him...his decisions, made for him and that's it ! I called him to meet me and he was totally horrible...very different from the person I met last week who cried because he was hurting me so much !! I can't afford to keep the flat and car on my own, his answer is simple...get a lodger !! He has everything sorted in his head !! He is going to pay off his debts and return home because the UK is somewhere he doesn't want to be!
Sorry for rambling...my question is can he just stop paying for everything just like that?? (no children, rented flat)...I don't want to lose my home.
xx
Follow up comments
Added By Kat007 on 22-01-2010
Sorry you find yourself here but feel free to rant and talk as much as you want we have all been where you are right now.
So he left to find himself and came back with some baggage nice for him not so much for you. Some men are so fickle flirtacious look, swinging of the knockers and there off honestly makes you wonder how far some are up the evolution ladder sometimes. Anyway from what you say he was all nice a talkative at first then turned into a not very nice person, well sorry that appears to be normal for men who can't deal with guilt mine is the same and gets worse when doesn't get his way. thankfully not all men are like this.
Ok who's name is on the lease, is it both of you if it is he has to continue to contribute his half unless he has his name removed which can be done via the agent who let the flat to you. You have no children so no cost involved there and everything else should be quite simple if you need more advice about the lease it may be worth going to CAB for some help there they will be able to sort that side out for you. Also I would seek some legal advice and CAB will be able to give a list of solicitors in your area if you are contemplating divorce. Mediation is always another option and this can be found through solicitors office and will save hundreds even thousands of pounds in the end.
I hope things settle soon and continue ranting if you need to that's te other reason we are here because we know how you feel. good luck and keep posting
Added By Peedoff on 22-01-2010
Thank you so much Kat...'back home' is abroad and all I can think of at the minute is the thought of never seeing him again when he returns...he met this woman on his boy's nights out, as he told me, and nothing happened til he got back and told me he wanted to leave....one of the reasons he left was because he said he was not getting what he wanted at home and obviously this woman is now giving him what he wants !!!! He hasn't mentioned the D word at all..he's in cloud cuckoo land at the minute! Even though he says we're both to blame everything he says is turned back to me...everything is my fault!
Both our names are on the lease but he has already said he's going to take his name off at the end of March...it's fine for him...he's living with friends, rent free and when they're fed up of him he's going to another friend's rent free...he's got everything figured out...it's me that'll be the one that loses out!
xx
Added By EnglishRose on 25-01-2010
The landlord may not agree to him being taken off the lease if you aer not good for the money so he might find he's still liable but may be hard for the landlord or you to pursue him for money abroad.
One answer is you take a second job. I've found it feasible to work quite a bit at weekends as well as in the week and if your work is fun it's not a hardship. Then you can be financially free of a man which is a nice feeling or indeed get a lodger if you have a spare room.
Added By Stuart on 26-01-2010
Think ER might be a bit wrong....
Think all your ex needs do is give the landord notice of a month of his intention to quit. Landlord will usually then ask you your intentions.
Also, landlord is unlikely to allow you to take a lodger!!!!! lol...
Added By Peedoff on 26-01-2010
Thanks guys...I just can't contemplate anything at the minute...he is just being such a t0sser that he won't even talk to me about anything..all I know is he's saying he's taking his name of the lease at the end of March
x
Added By Stuart on 26-01-2010
Have you spoken to your landlord?
Might be a good idea to find out what they have to say.
Does your ex mean he is going to give notice in March or that he is giving notice at the end of Feb to take effect in March?
If he has done anything at all then landlord needs to be talking to you.
Also, speak with the CAB - they should be able to offer advice.
Oh, yes, I agree....your ex sounds like a right 5 knuckle shuffler....
Dont think about him....just look after yourself..take care.
Added By Peedoff on 27-01-2010
Thanks Stuart...we've lived in the flat for 14yrs so the landlord knows us very well, we never have to use the agency anymore...I don't believe he has spoken to the landlord yet as the landlord is still leaving messages for him...I don't even think HE has thought about notice periods, I think he thinks he can just take his name off! I'm finding it very difficult at the moment as he seems to be just getting on with things !! Thanks for your support xx
Added By Stuart on 27-01-2010
Thats what we are here for.
Main thing is that you look after number 1. He might look like that he is having a ball but dont they all??
My ex wife was having a ball with her bloke who she left me for...laughing in my face so it seemed....
They have since split up and she is looking very sad and lonely....awww....lol
Just take it easy, do things at your pace and keep posting. x
Added By Peedoff on 27-01-2010
I'm am trying...he seems to be getting on with things and I don't want him to think he's 'got away with it' just because I am trying to get back to 'normal'...I try to talk, try to email to eep in touch and it just seems so hard for him to do it..little things set me off...someone at work today made a fist 'gesture' with someone else, it was something we used to do together to say 'I love you'.....xxx
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