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Subject: Do I stay or Do I go?
Posted By smp999 on 23-01-2010
I moved out of the MH the day after boxing day following a very physical bust up with the Mrs where (you can believe all you like from here on but this is my story and above all, THE TRUTH, she is in total denial to any responsibility) she became very abusive, hysterical & aggressive towards me following a drink at the neighbours. This was totally out of character for her and I was shocked at this. Police were involved etc but no charges!!( Sounds like an episode off Jeremy Kyle!!)
We are now back talking although she is very resentful claiming I started the incident and it was me who was plastered, I did not and was not!!
We are trying to reconcile and she has said I can come back home but I've to stay in the spare room for the time being until she decides what to do. I have been in communication with a solicitor who said I should never have left the MH in the first place (easier said than done under the circumstances) as this now leaves me in a very vulnerable spot. So, if I do manage to get home to stay and she suddenly decides she wants me out after a while what do I do?....Do I stay or do I go? Why would I be in a weaker position being out?
Follow up comments
Added By Stuart on 24-01-2010
firstly you need to decide if you want to work at it...
If the marriage is worth saving then forget about solicitors and perhaps engage a relationship counsellor.
Either way Id move back in given the opportunity and dont be so quick to move out in the future...
Added By why? on 24-01-2010
hi. i have absolutely no idea why people are advised to stay in the home. if both your names are on it then it makesno difference and supposedly you can move back in even if your not welcome so i cant answer that question.
you say the bust up was very out of chracter and aftera drink at christmas. i dont see the problem then. if it was a one off occassion, id forget it but try and work out why it happened. alcohol? either the amount or type? was it what your wife would normally drink,christmas - maybe something about christmas sets of emotional memories, good and bad. is there any other explanation that you can thinbk of for your wifes behaviour.
Added By Captain Oates on 24-01-2010
When I moved out the locks were changed and the offer of a buy out was withdrawn. The phrase possession is 9 10s of the law has deep feeling for many.
When people live somewhere they feel they own it. Is psychological. Have known a few people have to evict tenants and stuff.
Added By sometimesitdoesn'twork on 24-01-2010
The usual legal advice is not to move out until arrangements for finances and children are in place. Your housing requirements are seen to be met if you move out and if you can afford to meet the obligations of running two homes you may well have less claim on the finances. Also if there is no agreement regarding the children you can be disadvantaged seeing them after moving out. Usually staying in the former matrimonial home is unpleasant for both parties and provides the motivation to settle as quickly as possible and move on. When one party leaves the home the other often is in no hurry to settle, particularly if the house is likely to be sold. If there aren't enough resources to run two homes it is very easy to run up debts and fall into mortgage/rent arrears resulting in repossession/eviction.
Having said that no two cases are the same and moving out may allow spouses to compose themselves thus enabling them to negotiate arrangements constructively and reach an amicable agreement. Sometimes giving space and time to emotionally readjust is actually quicker and less damaging to long term family relationships.
Added By EnglishRose on 25-01-2010
yes move back. Possession is indeed 9.`10s of the law. My ex was advised to stay until every last thing including remortgage, transfer of money to him took effect and decree absolute and financial consent order sealed at court and all the conveyancing done. In his case he might have "got" the children and with them the house so movingo ut of course breaks your connections to the children and often the person who "gets" the children gets the house. Secondly whoever moves out has to find rent and also it can be argued later they are suitably housed. Loads of reasons to move in but move in and then discuss what you both want to do.
People lose their tempers in long term relationships on both sides. It doesn't haev to mean the marriage is over although there's no need for anyone to drink. I don't dirnk and I'm not boring and life is fun. You could both give up drink. It would do you both a lot of good.
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